Archive for October, 2009
Why do you want what you want?
Tags: Book Review, Happiness, Lifestyle Experiment, Psychology
“To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.” – Bertrand Russel
Happiness is a sense of being in harmony with our world. We have what we need, there are no threats looming, we have achieved our basic goals, and the body rewards us with a sense of contentment.
Happiness exists by having some basic requirements fulfilled, and a notion that the situation as it is is good.
Our societies aren’t particularly happy. The reason why is what we desire.
In my profession, marketing, we try to persuade the world that it wants our products, and the message is blasted over TV, Radio and all other media, trying to create a desire, whether the recipient of the message can afford our products or not.
It is not an attitude confined to marketing. Teenagers peer pressure each other to get certain labels, magazines and toys. Students are pressured for great grades, even in studies that will only lead to a job for 10% of them. We motivate our employees to compete for a promotion, we also know that only 1/100 will get one. Patients are told they want new tests by doctors who want to avoid being sued by lawyers who want the work.
Desire is created – often by others, for their own gain.
And there is nothing inherently wrong with that. Studies show that some of the happiest societies are the simplest ones. Perhaps the price of happiness is a lack of innovation. Perhaps being happy and fulfilled doesn’t push us to exceed the needs our current environment puts upon us. But with a world that eventually will run out of some of its resources, it is good to start working beyond the current demands of our environment, to feel the urge, to want to work harder.
But there is no need to get depressed either.
In the end, it always comes down to us: be aware of the desires within you created by others, and be the captain of your own heart. Don’t drink the kool-aid of others and always take the long view…
Further reading: You are what you choose
You are what you choose
In “You Are What You Choose”, Hamilton and de Marchi discuss the six core traits that shape our decisions.
The six TRAITS attributes are:
- Time: Do you have a shorter term view or a longer-term view of life? Scoring high on the “Time” trait means that you forgo short-term gain for long-term value.
- Risk: A lower score on the risk attribute means that you are more risk averse, while a higher score means that you can tolerate more risk.
- Altruism: To what degree are your decisions driven by your focus on the welfare of others? A low score means that you may simply have a lack of action or low interest in charitable activities and a high score means that you are “other centered.”
- Information: If you are an information junkie, then you probably score high on this trait. A lower score means that you do not seek out as much information to drive your decision-making.
- MeToo: A high score on this attribute puts you in a sort of “status-seeker” category. Think in terms of “keeping up with the Joneses.” A low score means that you are more individualistic about your choices and not so influenced by what others are doing or not doing.
- Stickiness: This attribute measures what role loyalty plays in how you decide. A high score in this area points to being loyal to a brand or value while a low score means that you can switch easily to an alternative. Think about being in a restaurant and having the waitress as “Is Pepsi OK?” If you score high on Stickiness and love Coke, you might answer “NO! Get me a Coke!”
Tags: Book Review, Happiness, Lifestyle Experiment, Psychology
The quirky world of “manspaces”
Tags: Culture, Lifestyle Experiment, Psychology, Ted Talks, Video
Sam Martin shares photos of a quirky world hobby that’s trending with the XY set: the “manspace.” (They’re custom-built hangouts where a man can claim a bit of his own territory to work, relax, be himself.) Grab a cold one and enjoy.
(If you cannot see the video, click here.)
Tags: Culture, Lifestyle Experiment, Psychology, Ted Talks, Video
The value of negative thinking
Tags: Culture, Lifestyle Experiment, Psychology
Studies have clearly shown that people who feel effective and empowered tend to perform better. The reason why: because they tackle the new challenge with a ‘can do’ (=positive) mindset and as a result are more creative and energetic when dealing with the problem.
So if positive thinking is such a powerful force, why do so many people think negative? What could they hope to achieve?
Well, the truth is, we don’t always confront a challenge feeling effective and empowered. Perhaps we’ve been battered by events, bad luck or things simply got away from us. So we confront the world with a sense of vulnerability, a sense of our own very real ability to fail.
Here’s the trick: no matter what happened a minute or a day before the challenge presented itself, the challenge is an isolated incident, unaffected by past events. Our effectiveness to deal with it therefore isn’t at all compromised by the challenge (we either CAN or CANNOT overcome it) but rather by our own inner state at the moment of the challenge.
Negative thinking at the moment of the challenge is a natural event. When the caveman saw yellow and black stripes in the bushes, he or she naturally feared the object might be a tiger. In its evaluation whether it was a match for the tiger or not, the caveman couldn’t be faulted for negative thoughts – flight is the right response.
Fear an negative thoughts are our friend: they aim to prevent us from entering in a harmful situation. The real trick is to separate our realistic negative thoughts from the ones that we have because of the context we have created for ourselves, such as a feeling of ‘not being strong enough’; ‘deserving something better right now’ or wanting to sooth an existential pain by simply blaming the world for being too difficult. Our reasons for being passive and avoiding facing pertinent challenges are endless.
When we recognize our negative thoughts as being void of realism, as wanting to label ourselves or the challenge in terms that are purely subjective, terms that either sell us short or compound the challenge, that’s when we have to fight like lions. Because at that moment, it is not the challenge that might beat us, it is that we might beat ourselves.
Real negative thoughts keep us safe. They tell us when to flee and when to preserve our strength for another day.
False negative thoughts make us avoid the challenges that we need to grow. Instead, we shrink in our ability to overcome life’s demands. As we shrink, smaller challenges become harder to conquer.
The power of positive thinking is relative to the challenge. Some challenges we can win, some we can’t. But positive thinking is invaluable when it comes to evaluating ourselves: who we are, how much we can change and how strong we are.
In that respect, positive thinking is always related to action: how far did you push yourself? It is useless to judge ourselves for every short coming we have right now: we can’t change a thing about that. But we can change where we’ll be in a year. That’s the test and also the endless opportunity. To challenge ourselves for more growth. Every sin can be forgiven at an instant: the moment a real change affects the person, so the wrong can never happen again.
That is why positive thinking is hard, because it requires constant action to grow. But it is worth it…
Tags: Culture, Lifestyle Experiment, Psychology